As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
