I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
