those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
