i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
