I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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