i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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