I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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