There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
