She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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