I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
