the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
