what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
