Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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