I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
