did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
