His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
