if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
God, I missed his penis.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
