I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
