I hate your face
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
