DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
