We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
