I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
