Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
