So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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