Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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