This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
