just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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