At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
being pregnant is like rehab
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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