yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize