I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
