He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
