So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
