well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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