Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
