He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
