girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
