She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
