some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
