is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
