Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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