drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
