When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
