Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
