Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
