GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
