hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
