Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
