As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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