I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
