I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
