I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
