woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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