I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
