I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
