i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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