so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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