you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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