i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
