I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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