Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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