I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
