are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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