is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You ate ashes out of my bong
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