i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
