the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
