chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize