walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
